The Best and Worst Christmas Films Ever

It's about a week until Thanksgiving, so you know what that means! It's Christmastime! But really, it is. Local Buffalo radio stations like 102.5 and 96.1 have been playing seasonal music for a couple of weeks now, every retail store in America is decked out in decorations, homeowners are beginning to decorate their houses, etc, etc. And of course this stirs up some anger and irritation in people where they begin to rant and rave about how "it's too early" and "it's not even Thanksgiving yet". But not me. Personally, I love listening to Christmas music all year round. A close friend and I have been notorious for driving around Buffalo, belting out Faith Hill's "Where Are You Christmas" in July. 

I remember the movie Garden State with Zach Braff (what ever happened to him anyway?), where Natalie Portman's (the girl who turns into a swan in a later movie) character has a Christmas tree up at her house all year. That's my kind of girl. I love this time of year. So if the world starts early with Christmas, I'm on board.

But I digress. I have a purpose for this post, I truly do. Just bear with me.  Let's say that we live in a cruel, terrible world where an ordinary citizen is only allowed to watch a total of three Christmas movies each holiday season. OK, OK, stop weeping. It's merely a hypothetical situation. In the real world, we have ABC Family's 25 Days of Christmas (yay!). So no worries. But back to imaginary land... You have to pick 3 movies. That's it. What would you choose? You don't have to worry because I have incredible taste in Christmas films. Below is the absolute best three Christmas movies of all time. And for good measure, below is also the absolute worst three Christmas movies of all time. And trust me, the good ones are great, and the bad ones are god-awful.

P.S. These are also Jesus' top 3 and bottom 3, so you can't argue with me. He told me himself.

THE BEST

3) The Santa Clause
This movie is fantastic. Tim Allen at his best (when he's not Buzz Lightyear). The entire movie is hilarious and is universal. As much as I loved it as a kid, I know I will love it just as much as a middle-aged man. This is the movie that my brother would beg for us to watch when it was his turn to pick the movie. And that was in June. And we were totally OK with it. If you don't like this movie, you probably don't have any friends.
Watch the trailer here

2) Elf
This movie was a pleasant surprise. It has been a long time since a great Christmas movie has come out before Elf did. In fact, I believe the last great film was #3 on our list. And that's a nine year difference. And Jon Favreau (the man behind the Iron Man movies) blesses us with this instant classic. Elf is freaking amazing. Will Ferrell is a genius actor. He was absolutely perfect for the role. And getting Sonny Corleone, I mean, James Caan, in it was also a brilliant move. I could outline some of the best scenes, but there are too many. A friend and I were quoting this movie together and laughing just thinking about the scenes. That's how good it is. This movie will be a timeless classic for many, many years. Just like #1 on the list.
Watch the trailer here

1) Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
OK, just to clarify which Rudolph movie I'm talking about, this is the 1964 stop-motion TV special with Burl Ives as Sam the Snowman. The other ones, I am proud to say, I have never seen. And I don't plan to. Because this version, the Burl Ives one, is 47 years old and is as amazing today as I'm sure it was when my father saw it when it first aired (because he's old).  Plus it has Burl in it. And Burl is fantastic. I will have this a movie my kids see when I'm a parent and I hope they continue the tradition.
Watch clips here

Because you all will complain, here are some honorable mentions: National Lampoon Christmas Vacation, Home Alone, It's A Wonderful Life, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, White Christmas, and A Muppet's Christmas Carol.

THE WORST

3) National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure.
For the record, the longer the title, the worse the movie will be. It never fails. Case in point: this wanna-be Christmas flick. Chevy Chase intelligently stayed away from it and so the starring role went to Randy Quaid (the crazy pilot from Independence Day). I never saw it (thank the dear Lord), but I have heard from a trusted source that it's pretty darn bad. So I will continue to stay away from it.

Watch the trailer here. Oh wait never mind. The movie was so bad, I can't even find a trailer video for it.

2) Fred Claus
Most of you probably haven't seen this. Good for you. It's got Paul Giamatti playing Santa and Vince Vaughn playing his idiot brother. And speaking of idiots, this movie idiotic. It's so lame. The comedy is few and far in-between. I can't believe Rachel Weisz wanted to do this and yet wouldn't do a third Mummy movie (I still haven't forgiven her for that).
Watch the trailer here

1) Eight Crazy Nights
Let's just forget that this is technically a Hanukkah movie. It's still the same season. Question: What do you get when you add an animated movie, a musical, and Adam Sandler?  Answer: A crappy movie. The movie is crude, dirty, and pointless. And it's not even funny. It's a complete waste of time. And the animation drew the Adam Sandler character to look like the actual Adam Sandler. Didn't the creators of A Scanner Darkly do the same thing? And look how that turned out! They never learn...
Watch the trailer here

Some honorable mentions: Frosty Returns, Bad Santa, Jack Frost, Christmas with the Kranks, and Four Christmases.

Now you know which movies to watch this season, and which movies to buy DVD copies of and then burn ceremoniously in your backyard. Let me know if I missed something or if you actually think that Fred Claus was funny (because it wasn't).